All we ever do is dump our mistakes on each other…

-Old Proverb

6 Months… That’s how long it took for me to find out, she’s no more…

6 long, months… for which I assumed, no news means good news. And waited… gathering courage to call her one day.

But people don’t die giving prior notice… They don’t call and say “Hey ! I’m Dying…” No…

You either see them die; or hear from someone… but this time I was sooo ignorant, I stopped trying to find out. ‘Maybe she is ok ! I’ll call her someday’ ‘I’ll go visit her someday’…

I can always dump all the blame on her classmate. And try to avoid thinking about how I passively avoided meeting her.

I’m not afraid of death, or dead bodies. I’ve seen fare share of them in my life. I know how to deal with or comfort someone who has lost a near or dear one; but… how do you confront or comfort someone who might die soon ?

I was unable to answer that question… and maybe that’s why I never had the courage to go and stand in front of her.

I know, me being there would have made no difference. If support and placebo cured leukemia, she never would have died then. I had known her only for a couple of weeks. Probably the toughest couple of weeks of my life. I had to leave the only thing I was passionate about, due to bad grades, and my motherly elder sister was in a different country.

She reminded me of her. That’s the first compliment I ever gave her, once I got to know her…

“Your hair looks exactly like my sister’s…”

Remembering Ushasree…

And she was, a mature young lady with bright lovely eyes and long curly hair. After all those radiations, she may have had lost that beautiful hair, but even looming death was not able to snatch that smile from her. I met her once after that workshop.

In a narrow lane of North Kolkata, we sat down beside the road and talked about my break-up… Yes, I am that selfish. That day, she said that I’m going to make an amazing husband to someone someday…

Apart from my parents and my sister, that was the nicest thing someone ever said to me…

That was the day we last met.

We spoke on phone… That was all the courage I could muster after she was diagnosed. We talked about meeting once she was better.

And today, all that remains of that beautiful soul are those memories.
I feel pissed off; I feel sad because I never got to meet her at least once… Look at her smiling face once again…

Goodbyes are never ‘Good’… But you’ve got to say them anyway… And my ignorance robbed me off of that chance…

Farewell, my friend…   

Neel…

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